What The Body Remembers

I have heard stories of 80 year old women remembering dance steps from nights out in their 20's and adults who were once upon-a-time piano students sitting down at the piano to remember every note to "Fur Elise." In massage school, I learned that we hold memories in our bodies. Both trauma and pleasant times literally sit in our bodies, waiting to be triggered. I have experienced this myself... spontaneously crying or laughing during various types of bodywork. When I sit quietly, I can feel the weight of repressed expression sitting in my jaw while I gently ask it to release and leave me alone for just one hour of meditation. Anger is trapped in my neck and the only thing that releases it is a clever joke. The fears that occupy my shoulders perk up anytime I sit at the piano, making it impossible for me to keep my posture perfectly straight. My body is like a library of every emotional experience I have ever had.


If my body is like a library, then my singing lessons are like the card catalog. Every note, exercise, and song recalls an event I have experienced before. I can vividly remember 9th grade choral concerts, failed auditions, crying at competitions that earned me 2nd place equivalent scores, my first piano recital, my first solo in church, the first time I felt free on stage, hives that surfaced on my arms before dive bar performances. So many experiences have been sitting inside me, stagnated by the responsibilities of adulthood and the stress of being aware of the outside world. 


In Wunderkind, a novel about a boy piano genius living in Communist Bulgaria, the main character, who is like a smarter and more talented version of Holden Caufield, complains that he hates hearing adults play Chopin Nocturns because they never get it right. Only young people can play Chopin with the sensitivity his legacy deserves. I understand what he means, and it is part of my daily struggle as a musician who is past the age of 18. 


When I was more innocent and naive, I felt music internally. The sound waves of each song pierced through me and the vibrations of the piano strings shot straight into my arms, up my shoulders, and into my brain, making me feel light-headed and calm. As my singing range increased, and the resonance in my high notes became more vibrant, choral practice would make me disoriented in a way I would later understand as feeling "high." The danger of the college years, when young people experiment with chemically induced pleasures, is that it becomes harder to reach these states in the original, natural way, with music. 


Yesterday in my voice lesson, I caught a glimpse of this original state again. Just like the first time when I was 17, my high notes came out of me in a relaxed manner and I felt the buzzing in my head as my eyes and jaw relaxed once more. The whole day I felt calm and at peace with everything. I carried the calm with me through my practice, teaching, and my evening rehearsal. Because of this calm state, I was able to make mistakes without hating myself and create melodies without fear. This calm has been sitting within for a long time, and my body finally reminded me. The body always remembers.

Singing = Yoga

After spending some free time at the piano this summer playing through Jazz tunes like "Autumn Leaves," "Cheek to Cheek," and "Fly Me to the Moon," I am back to focusing 100 percent on my life's purpose: singing. Singing is a really fascinating experience. Unlike external, material instruments, the voice is the only invisible instrument we carry with us at all times. To study singing is very difficult. You cannot see the actual instrument, you can only feel and hear it, and the terms used in voice lessons can sometimes seem a bit esoteric: feel the vibrations coming from inside your head or your chest, make the sound vibrate in your nasal cavities, "think" the notes higher (as my high school choir teacher used to say). Voice teachers are used to seeing a lot of puzzled faces on new students. 

I studied Classical Voice intensely when I was a high school student. I studied mainly Italian Art Song, German Lieder, Gospel Choir, and Catholic-style Latin Mass music. As a teacher, there is only so much you can do for your students, because there is no way to really demonstrate on the actual instrument they possess. You can sing for them and try your best to describe how you do it, but ultimately, I find the experience of studying voice to be more spiritual in nature for the student. Which is why I titled this post "Singing=Yoga."

Triangle Pose

In yoga, we learn how to stretch our bodies in ways that seem impossible at first. With visualization and breath, we learn how to twist and stretch, and once we conquer a pose, the result is a calm, almost meditative feeling. I am beginning to feel the same way about singing practice. One must use breath and visualization to make the internal vibrations come out as pleasant, flexible sounds. 

Everyday, before I practice, I do thirty minutes of vocal warm-ups and then I practice a form of meditation called "Toning." In eastern philosophy, it is believed that we all possess seven chakra points, or wheels of energy throughout the center of our bodies. In this philosophy, it is believed that each chakra point can be balanced by singing it's pitches that supposedly resonate with each chakra. For the lowest chakra point at the base of our spines, we sing a very low pitch, and as the focus goes higher up the spine, the corresponding pitch also raises. I spend about five minutes toning each point. It not only helps me focus my mind, but singing extended notes helps me practice vocal control. After I finish, I am calm and my voice is steady.

For several weeks I have kept this daily vocal practice going, and it is paying off. Something clicked today. For the first time, all of the notes came out of me with very little effort. It was like all of my internal muscles relaxed, and the sounds that came out of me where beautiful to feel. I remembered very clearly how I fell in love with the act of singing when I was a very young teenager. It is very much like spending a year trying to form the perfect triangle pose in yoga, struggling each time to get your arms to reach up and down in a perfect vertical line, while your legs form a perfectly straight upside-down V and your face turns up toward the sky. At first it is impossible, but after a lot of practice, one day everything just falls into place, and the result is worth it. Once you form that perfect pose, and you are relaxed enough to take in a calm breath or two: total peace. 

I felt that way today as I sang. For several months, I have struggled to get my voice back in shape the way it once was. After years of only singing folk and rock music, my range had withered to only two octaves, and my breath control was weak compared to what I once bragged about. Today, the hard work finally proved to be worth it, because just like spending a year in a challenging yoga class, everything finally clicked and I felt the encouragement to keep going. Just like yoga practice, my muscles finally figured out how to relax so I could take a breath or two, and for a few moments I felt total peace. 

Yoga, Peace Songs, Rock Concert

Today has been busy, protective, and very fulfilling. I started the day off with Mia Haber at The Raven Spa in the always interesting, hipster L.A. neighborhood of Silverlake. Mia taught a fabulous Kundalini Yoga class on creativity and overcoming creative blocks. At the end I led the class in singing "Long Time Sun" and then sang an original peace prayer. 

That's Darling Mia in the Beautiful Yoga Studio

After that, I was off to Santa Ana, to visit a new Vietnamese Temple I had never been too. The kids at this temple were so full of life, and got comfortable enough to request a Jason Mraz tune (that luckily I knew!) and ask me questions about how I became a singer and how long I have played the guitar. It was a lot of fun conversing with these little buddhas. 

Taking a Break From Singing to Chat

For the final chapter of the day, I am heading off to Hollywood to see Jose Gonzalez. Yay! I love a full day of music. I don't want to keep it all to myself. So here is a video of my favorite Jose Gonzalez song, "Killing For Love."

Peace and Music, Everyone!
Michelle

Yoga for Musicians

I just picked up this book. Very cool. It explains nicely the parallels between the yoga mind and the musician's mind.

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